this entry brought to you by menstruation

Today has been emotional for a myriad of reasons. I found out some disturbing and distressing facts about a very good friend's past, and I whiled away several hours being pissed off at people who just really suck. I know this is vague, and I'm sorry, but it's not my story to tell. Just...she is an incredible person and people just keep (figuratively) shitting on her, and I have just about had enough, and I feel like kicking some ass. I won't actually kick anybody's ass, because if you look up "Lori" in the dictionary, you will find the definition: pussy; a great big fat hairy, and I would like to publicly apologize now for that visual, because, well, ew. Anyway. Mad. Me. At people who suck. The end.

I spent last night with my sister-in-law, because BOY HOWDY, talk about PUSSY. My brother had to work overnight, and my nephew (*SOB* WITHDRAWALS!) is staying with Heather's sister this week, and for some reason she is not like NORMAL PEOPLE and doesn't get excited about some Blessed Time To Be Alone. So she came to my cube and BEGGED me to spend the night. I didn't even get to sleep in the extra bedroom, as I usually do, because she was afraid to sleep in her bed by herself. She is 28 years old. I just cringe whenever I think of Reid, as a small child, coming to her in the middle of the night, scared of the monsters. She will empathize with him. "I know the monsters are scary, honey, just don't let your foot hang over the edge of the bed or they will bite it RIGHT OFF." Crimony.

Anyway. Lots of seroquel + day off= me sleeping until 11:30.

Then I was mad because I had Things To Do Today and, well, wah, mad because I had to do the things I had to do, and I didn't even do them all.

Ahem. I hope you're still with me here.

This social anxiety shit is for crap, y'all. I am so Scarlett O'Hara about everything. Tomorrow keeps on coming, and the oil needs to be changed, and the car needs to be inspected, and I literally have nothing in my pantry but chicken ramen and nothing in my fridge but sliced cheese and water so I need to go to the grocery store, and my car is messy so I need to clean it up before I take it in to get the oil changed and get it inspected and I also have THERAPY, ugh! Plus my sheets need to be washed and oh, I have no clean bras, so I need to do laundry. But WAIT. There is a load in the dryer already that has been sitting there because I thought I would be home last night to fold it and YET, I WAS NOT. And the entire apartment needs to be vacuumed. And there are dishes in the sink and it is suddenly 3:30 and I have not eaten yet today but WAIT. I forgot I have NO FOOD. Well, at least there's coffee.

I did everything but get the car inspected, do the dishes and vacuum, so whatever. Most of it got done. Usually, once I'm out doing whatever I need to do, I'm fine. It's the gearing-up-to-do-it part that I have a problem with. People scare me. I have to shove down the fear and the dread that lodge in my throat and my gut and deal with it.

And I. Hate. THERAPY. Ugh! I do not want to talk about this shit anymore! I just want it to be over. And y'all, it is getting better, it is. It is not a complete 180° from two months ago when All Was Lost, but I'd say it's about 120°, which really ain't too shabby. The flashbacks are lessened to the point where I don't even think I am going to need that psychotherapy EMDR thing. A strange thing happened with the onset of this school year...now the year of hell is not last year anymore. It's two years ago. Does that make sense? Anyway, it's going back into the past, and now when I have a flashback, I just shoo it away like a fly.

So. Things are improving. Maybe the zoloft is starting to take effect. I have learned my lesson about taking my meds. I have not missed a day in two months, so, go me.

My oil is changed and my tires aren't bad after all, which is par for the course since I have been fretting about them for months now. I went to the grocery store and so now I have something to eat besides ramen. I went to therapy. Sigh. Now it's past eleven and I just need to go to sleep and for it to be FRIDAY NIGHT because I MISS MY BABY, WAH, and he will be at my parents' then because it's my brother's high school reunion. I'm taking my computer because my parents' computer has died. It was a pain in the ass Toshiba with a bad motherboard, and may it rot.

They should have bought the extended warranty, is all I'm saying.